A Message for the Class of 2013 Dear Graduates: You’re pampered, privileged and oversexed—but at least your employment prospects are dim.

…Idea three: Constantly monitor news sites for breaking stories and then try to be the first to tweet an edgy joke about what’s happening. Speed is of the essence here, because within minutes others will carpet bomb the same territory with comedy, but if you’re first out of the gate, you’ll get the retweets. This won’t land you a job or get you paid, but you can’t underestimate bragging rights at friends’ engagement parties.